Party Animals

How do you couple?

In party season, the focus is on clothes, dates, who invited whom, who goes out with whom, and all the usual blah. It’s also a very good time to take a measure of how you ‘couple’ in a large group. A party working for you or not isn’t wholly dependent on what the host laid out, the music, who came, and how long it went on. How the two of you entered, stayed, and exited – these are silently operating issues, actually. It’s not the late nights and overeating and traffic wrestle that really gets you down during the party season. That’s just the physical stuff, nothing that can’t be fixed with a range of hair-of-a-dog remedies, a day of fasting, detox foods, an aspirin, not getting out of bed, a swim, or whatever it is that restores your tissues. It’s the unhealthy ways that couples treat each other at a party that really messes them up. Here are some markers; seven species of party animals that need to see the vet:
The strider-ahead. This is one half of the couple who, on arriving at the venue, simply jumps out of the car and makes his/her way to the party without waiting for the other half to park, or get out, adjust clothes, fall in step, or anything. Just gets out and strides on, leaving the other half to trail behind or hurry after them. Not a good sign. Your other half might be putting up with it, has even got used to it, but it’s boorish and self-absorbed. And speaks of a deeper malaise in your relationship. Sad and joyless.
The abandoner. This couple, either both, or one of them, enters together, but each promptly heads off in different directions. They maintain no connection with each other throughout, not even eye contact, really. You don’t have to be constantly intertwined, but it’s nice to converge, diverge, converge, diverge through the evening…you get the point. Abandoners are not fighting. They’re either in a blah relationship, or they’ve got no concept of being a couple or enjoying each other’s company amongst people. Bad enough if you’re both doing this; much worse if one of you does it and the other is left to fend for his/herself the best they can. Boorish and neglectful.
The intertwined inseparable. Either by mutual consent, or because one of them is a clinger, this couple behaves like Siamese twins, joined at the hip, or hand. They’re signaling their coupledom with a vengeance, and the party is mainly a showcase for their absorption with each other. They never dance with anyone else, and they talk about each other, themselves, and hang around with other such fused couples, at the most. Soppy and uninteresting.
The possessor and re-posessor. These are couple who do let each other go off on their own for a bit, but one of them will keep a sharp eye out for the other, and if he/she spots the other half talking animatedly to anyone else, will smilingly cut in, massage shoulders, kiss, nuzzle, and generally ‘reclaim’ what is ‘theirs’. Claustrophobic and creepy.
The taunter and arguer. These people’s idea of fun is to keep saying semi-nasty stuff about their other half. While it may be fun for a while, people around tire of this passive aggression. Taunts include references to old fights, flames, and other fatuous facts that other people don’t get, but are enough to make everyone uncomfortable. Arguers will interrupt the other half mid-sentence to clarify some pointless point like “no darling, it was the LA-SFO flight you missed, not the LA-Houston one” or some such. If the other half is an arguer too, they’ll debate this threadbare while your beer gets tepid. Annoying and boring.
The late leaver. This is a couple for whom the party is over at totally different times. One of them will simply ignore the fact that the other has had enough and wants to go home. Having got used to this, possibly on a regular basis, the tired one will sit resentfully and/or resignedly somewhere, having drunk, danced, eaten and ready to leave. The other half will be still wading through his/her drink or meal; the hosts too are looking worn round the edges, but the late leaver will have none of it. He/she will leave only when good and ready. Tiresome and frustrating.
The shrinking hassler. The opposite or counterpart of the late leaver, this person has come to the party under duress, sits around looking uncomfortable and aggrieved, off and on hassles the other half to ‘let’s go’, and generally becomes everyone else’s problem too, as people try to entertain and draw her/him in. Dull and depressing.
Spot your style in the profiles above, and see if you can fix it before the New Year is out.
GOURI DANGE